21 Mar
38/365(+1) by Luca Rossini
38/365(+1), a photo by Luca Rossini on Flickr.

Lens: Carl Zeiss 24.70mm f2.8
Camera: NEX-7, ISO400, f3.5, 1/160, raw

In the last days I’m getting really nervous. The fear to be flushing my few (i’m good, but who isn’t) and last (I’m 33 years OLD) chances to be a successful photographer is getting stronger and stronger. How strong? Well, at least so strong I actually flushed a camera to picture how strong. Is it strong enough? Well, I guess it depends on enough for what. So, let’s rephrase it: is the fear to be only wasting time with this photography thing if I do not quickly turn my life around strong enough to make me quit my permanent job as an engineer (at a time during which people who get fired are struggling to find a new job)? That’s a big question, and I would need some pretty solid intention-measuring system in order to answer it.
Until now I just focused on keeping things as they are, working 24/7 to keep my job and progress at photography while waiting for some major event to happen and make the choice easier, you know, like winning some important photography contest (photography wins) or getting some fat promotion at work (engineering wins), but nothing like that ever happened and, since a couple of weeks, the whole approach is quickly becoming unbearable, with my job becoming horribly tedious and the only excitements coming from photography.
The fact that spring is on and the sun is warm and shiny while my job requires me to sit in a darkish and coldish office does not make it any better. So, today I did the least reckless thing I could do, which is taking a couple of days off work. Hoping I’ll be able to use them to come up with some brilliant idea. Let’s see. But I’m skeptical.

9 thoughts on “38/365(+1)”

  1. precarious situation, i can think in your shoes. listen to your heart or listen to reason? No plain answer tangible.

    unfortunately it´s not possible to give any advices, in my opinion for nobody but your wife and your family.

    i strongly hope that it will work out in the end like you visualize your future.

    btw: great photography, appropriate for your issue – hopefully flushing the camera doesn´t mean to flush photography.
    i like the usage of the toilet as a rounded image frame. the lights are so crystal clear, the water seems to be real.

    btw2: i work as an engineer, too. hang in there 😉

    1. there are a lot of engineer/photographers (or the opposite) around 🙂
      When I worked at the European Space Agency, most of my colleagues did some photography in their spare time.
      thanks for you kind comments! if I could only “visualize my future” it would be much easier to make a choice…

  2. Sounds familiar to me. Probably a pre-midlife crisis. I have had a computer, a bicycle and now a photography phase 🙂
    The most important and difficult thing is to realise that your family is the thing where everything should revolve about, not self-implementation.
    I also work as an engineer in a company going through difficult times (just google the number of 17.000 and you'll now which one 🙂
    Photography helps in staying involved with REAL life, is a good alternative hobby to a strenous intellectual job. But just shelf the idea of supporting your family with it. In those digital days, there are simply too many others with the equipment, the will and the possibility to deliver worldwide for free. Who needs to buy photos if you can drown yourself with great free webphotos?
    I have sold one photo to a newspaper, sold 20 copies of a photobook to a company and it was nice bonus, but I see the figures paid to fulltime photographers and you can't really survive on that. My sister-in-law is a architecture fulltime professional photographer and last year for the first time made a small profit.

    1. Hello Chris, thanks for posting!
      That part of the situation is some kind of “crisis of the 30s” it's out of question. It is. Interestingly I had also a computer phase (back at my second year of studies, kind of hackerish activities at night) and a bicycle phase!
      I know that providing for my family is the crucial point, I am investigating how much of an impact this decision could have in the short and in the long term. In the short term, actually not too much, engineers are not well paid in Italy.
      If I do the jump, I would initially work for privates, meaning weddings, portraits, events, and so on. I would also start a photography course, last year I did a couple of workshops and the students are asking me to continue with a full-featured course. Then I don't know, I have no idea on how to penetrate in different businesses, such as advertise, fashion, editorial, etc.
      I googled 17.000, and after some irrelevant entries I found one linking at a cellphone company, is that yours? I didn't know about it, geez, it's all getting real messy around. Hope everything will be fine.

  3. I love your blog, and I can appreciate your struggle. I'm a 34 year old lawyer, and I don't love my job. I do love my hobbies though- cooking and photography. However, I don't think that I could survive on either of those. I think that's the beauty of my passions- I don't want them to be my life. They add color and nuance to my day, and give me things to look forward to, but I wouldn't want to taint either of them by going pro (I mean, if I could). I don't know a single person that loves every moment of their work. There's tedium in everything. That said, I hope that you do get the option to do either, and that money won't be an issue. But, being an adult, having responsibilities and mouths to feed is difficult. I really enjoy your photography- you have a novel approach to things, and your creativity shines through.

    1. Hi CELee, thanks a lot for following the blog and for your kind comment!
      I also have the hobby of cooking, I though for a long while to do that instead of engineering, but I was always put down by the life of a cook or restaurant owner, working when others are free, and being free when others are working…
      I bet there would be a lot of tedium working as a photographer as there is in any other job, it's just that I really love this topic, everything around it, and I just can't say the same about my job. Unluckily, money will always be an issue (I'm not such rich, otherwise I would just do what I feel like doing!).
      Thanks so much for the nice things you say at the end, they are really important to me.

  4. Hi Luca

    Nice photos.

    I also use a Nex5 as a hobby with many old Minolta lenses. A success story of photography as a profession can be seen in my friend Jayant Sharma from bangaloe India. He quit a nice IT job and followed his passion for photography. Visit his site at http://www.toehold.in.


  5. Hi Panchangam, thanks a lot for posting. I'd like to see more success stories as the one you just told me 🙂
    By the way, your friends started some very nice business! He sure is not only a great photographer, but also a smart guy…

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