Lens: Carl Zeiss 24.70mm f2.8
Camera: NEX-7, ISO400, f3.5, 1/160, raw
In the last days I’m getting really nervous. The fear to be flushing my few (i’m good, but who isn’t) and last (I’m 33 years OLD) chances to be a successful photographer is getting stronger and stronger. How strong? Well, at least so strong I actually flushed a camera to picture how strong. Is it strong enough? Well, I guess it depends on enough for what. So, let’s rephrase it: is the fear to be only wasting time with this photography thing if I do not quickly turn my life around strong enough to make me quit my permanent job as an engineer (at a time during which people who get fired are struggling to find a new job)? That’s a big question, and I would need some pretty solid intention-measuring system in order to answer it.
Until now I just focused on keeping things as they are, working 24/7 to keep my job and progress at photography while waiting for some major event to happen and make the choice easier, you know, like winning some important photography contest (photography wins) or getting some fat promotion at work (engineering wins), but nothing like that ever happened and, since a couple of weeks, the whole approach is quickly becoming unbearable, with my job becoming horribly tedious and the only excitements coming from photography.
The fact that spring is on and the sun is warm and shiny while my job requires me to sit in a darkish and coldish office does not make it any better. So, today I did the least reckless thing I could do, which is taking a couple of days off work. Hoping I’ll be able to use them to come up with some brilliant idea. Let’s see. But I’m skeptical.