Sony RX1, 35mm f2 Carl Zeiss
ISO100, f/2.5, 1/250, raw
Thirtieth first and last of “Meet Shadow”.
Here we are. Day three hundred and sixty five, the last day (and shot) of “Meet Shadow”, and the last day (and shot) of the “365 Days of RX1: one camera, one lens, twelve projects” (my second 365 in a row). Let me say it straight: tomorrow I won’t be starting a new 365, nor will I be doing anything like that in the near future (shouldn’t major events happen to push me otherwise). This second 365 has been exhausting, because of the twelve themes, because of the limitation imposed by the single focal length, because of my life suddenly turning into full-time photography, because of me becoming self-employed from being an employee, etc. It has been exhausting and I feel exhausted.
So, what happens next? I’m pretty sure I’ll be back blogging about new projects and activities pretty soon, but right now I need to take a little time off the blog, see what my options and ideas are and evaluate how to procede.
When I started the “365 Days of RX1: one camera, one lens, twelve projects” I left a life I knew well (which I studied and worked very hard for) to adventure myself into a new and vastly unknown life. Today it is not only the end of my second 365, but also (and mostly) the day in which I look at what I accomplished, built, learned, and understood in what has been (and surely will always be) one of the most important years of my life.
And the thing is, the sad thing is, I don’t think I’m even a bit close to being sure about anything. After a whole year spent on photography, without other distractions than life itself (which can be quite a big distraction for a family-man), I’m probably more confused than I was when I left my job to be a photographer one year ago.
Sure, my days now are dedicated to photography, but being self-employed and scraping out my living with weddings and family portraits made me way more busy with what’s not “my personal photography” than I may have ever been before, when I could stop working (and worrying) everyday around six and spend the rest of my day on my family and hobbies. Now I never stop working and most of what I do needs to be done to keep the (little) money to get in. Definitely not what I was hoping for one year ago.
I kind of feel like my dog Ombra, during the long hours in which she has to stay home (with us, since we work in our studio-apartment), wishing to be out in the sun doing what she was born to do. I truly feel the very same, during those very same long hours.
So, by tomorrow I’ll be working on my next year, that is, on how to steer my life into the right direction. It will be my personal 365 project, the first “private one since the last two years, the one without posts or photos to record it. Because without all the blogging work to do, I’ll surely have some extra (precious) time to invest on the never ending quest: what am I supposed to do with my life?